A Bad Meltdown Does Not a Good Mother Make

The meltdown I had last night was not her fault. I walked in from work to be greeted by my darling husband with an invitation from our youngest adopted Gdaughter to visit with them for family home evening. Her big sister is leaving for BYU in a few days and this would be the last time that we'd get to spend with her before her trip. Of course when the littest one calls her Poppy, his heart melts and he always says yes. Me? Oh, glad to go, but I was really looking forward to changing into PJs, having a homecooked meal (by him - not me), plopping down in my chair and have critters run to my side in anxious anticipation because Mom was home. Nope. Not happening. So out the door we went. Oh, don't get me wrong. I was glad to go. But it was taking a while for my brain to shift gears. (A happy compromise might have been for me to go in my PJs but I don't think any of my boys would have appreciated it.) On the road - and the phone rings. Could we pick up one of the Gsons from his dad's house in Irving and take him to his mom's house in Hurst? Any other evening would have been fine. But we were going to south Arlington (past I-20). We live in south Irving. She lives in Hurst (NE corner of Tarrant County - Ft. Worth-I-love-yew country. Quite a haul. And a tank of gas. So bickering in my brain. My heart shrinking one size smaller a la Grinch. And I just lost it. Why couldn't she pick him up? Why do we have to be inconvenienced? Blah, blah, blah. The more I thought, the more frazzled I made myself. Things came to a head after we left early from FHE. I called my daughter and let loose on her. Which I never should have done. My foul mood was just oozing all over the place. With my older daughter when we left. And now on the phone with my younger daughter. Things are tough all over right now for our clan. Everybody's going through hard times right now. And that affected my mood, as well. (Our bank account is to the point that moths are starting to hover over the numbers. Not looking very fiscally swell right about now.) So I let the worries about using the gas, taking time away from one part of the family to take care of another part of the family, when I should have changed my heart's vision slightly to the right and change my attitude. The other family members would have understood if I had explained the situation to them. I wouldn't have transferred my ugly feelings & thoughts to my other daughter which put the damper on her fun for the evening. And I would have remembered that as a mother I have rare opportunities to continue to serve my children - as in "what would Jesus do". I wasn't a very good disciple last night. Not a good example to anyone. Especially not to my younger daughter. I made her cry. I hurt her heart. And caused her more stress - which she certainly doesn't need at this point. So today I get to make amends to both my kids. Apologies are needed all the way around. And get my head and my heart back where they're supposed to be. An apology and a fervent "I love you" will make me a better mother. And remember my calling as a "mother in Zion". At least I hope so.